Old Spice and Toothpaste

It always seems easier and more convenient to fly out of smaller airports. Easier parking. Fewer people. Getting through security is much quicker, especially if you are lucky enough to get TSA pre-check. So this past week my wife and I flew out of Atlantic International Airport for a vacation in Florida. Since it was a 6am flight, we expected to quickly get through check-in and security. When security opened at 4:30am, we were among the first to go through. While TSA pre-check sounds good, the only thing you don’t have to do is take your shoes off. But as we were going through, I heard the two words you don’t want to hear at that time and place, “Bag Check”.

Now, I have to take some blame here. I usually pack my shaving kit in my checked bag, just to avoid the liquid and gel restrictions. But to save on all the fees the bargain airline Spirit charges, I just checked my golf clubs and was carrying on a bag. The very polite and professional TSA agent said they detected something in my bag that had to be checked. So he snapped on his blue plastic gloves, and started feeling his way through my bag. There is a sense of having your personal space violated. But you have to cooperate. If the TSA agent didn’t get enough sleep, this was very early in the morning, even a annoyed expression may make you a suspected terrorist.

Groping through the bag was not enough. He then took a tiny strip of paper, and wiped around the inside of the bag looking for explosive or dangerous residue. That paper was then checked on a monitor. I was starting to become concerned. I thought, if this monitor beeps, are they going to throw me to floor, cuff me, and take me to one of those bare offices where you sit and wait and are questioned for hours?

There was no beep, but he did wipe my hands with another strip of paper. I came up clean. The agent then zeroed into the shaving kit. While I did have certain liquids in the required three ounce plastic bottles, I had two clear violations. A mistake that no self respecting terrorist would ever make. At a time when we are trying to make America Safe Again, I packed a bottle of Old Spice after shave and a full size tube of toothpaste. I know. You’re wondering, “What was this guy thinking”? After shave and toothpaste in these troubled times?

It was determined by the agent, after wiping them down, that they were too big to be brought on board a commercial airliner. But, he wasn’t finished with me yet. He continued to be very polite, and explained what he was doing. Now he had to check me out to make sure there was no hidden after shave or toothpaste on my body. He told me to remove everything from my pockets, remove my belt and shoes, and said he was going to do a pat down. He did ask if I wanted him to do it in private. I said no. I guess I wanted witnesses to the process. He promised that he would use the backs of his hands for the private areas meaning the groin and buttocks. He did come up a little high on the groin, but I only flinched a little.

Finally, he said we could go, and seemed to appreciate my cooperation. So my after shave and toothpaste were probably dumped into a bin, and shipped off to some warehouse where all the millions of items seized from careless Americans are stored. I understand that the world will never be the same after that September day when terror came swooping down from the clear blue sky. It changed us all. We feel differently about the world and each other. Our trust was taken away. No matter where we are, or who we are with, there is always that sense of uncertainty. We can never be too careful, even when packing for vacation.