Evil Empire

It’s happened to all of us. It robs us of time we will never get back. It’s frustrating. It’s maddening. I think it would be easier to communicate with aliens from another planet. It’s the phone call you never want to make. You’ve probably guessed. You’re getting aggravated just because I’m bringing it up. Dealing with the cable company, specifically Comcast. It’s the largest broadcasting and cable company, by revenue, in the world. It is the largest cable TV and home internet provider in the country. It’s headquartered right here in Philadelphia. It’s notorious for its terrible customer service. It’s even been voted “The Worst Company in America” twice by The Consumerist. The company never stops proving why it has earned such a distinction.

It started last Friday. We stopped at our house at the Jersey shore after returning from vacation. Shortly after arriving, Comcast’s dark shadow descended over the house. No internet. No On Demand TV. Oh no! I would have to call. After going through the automated prompts, I got a live person. She tried to re-set the modem remotely. This never works. I knew what was coming. I’ve been stuck in this nightmare before. They have to send someone to the house. I demand they send someone that day. I’m told that’s impossible. Someone can come the next day between 1pm and 4pm. Then I get sent to person number two to deal with the TV problem. She says that can’t be fixed remotely, and I would need that same technician to come out to the house. I demand they send someone that day. She tells me I already have an appointment for three days later between 1pm and 4pm. It’s as if I’m speaking, and people don’t understand what I’m saying. I tell the woman I won’t be there in three days, and the first woman said the technician would come the next day. She says, “So you want to cancel the appointment?” I say I want to speak to a supervisor.

Now my head explodes. I’m told the supervisors are in a two hour meeting and “CAN’T BE DISTURBED”. I said you can’t get a supervisor out of a meeting to deal with a customer complaint. This is the company’s biggest public relations problem. What could a bunch of Comcast supervisors be discussing that’s more important than making a customer happy? She insisted she could not go into the meeting, but a supervisor would call me back within two hours. Angry and frustrated, we decide to drive back home. About a half hour into the drive, I get a call from the “Expediter Department”. The guy says they can send someone out right away to fix the problem. I tell him we have already left, and asked why one of the two people I had just spoken with couldn’t tell me this. He couldn’t answer me, and wanted to know if I wanted to cancel the appointment.

Around the two hour mark, my phone rang once and was disconnected. I didn’t recognize the number, but I suspected it was the Comcast supervisor who had finally left the secret meeting. She didn’t try again until the next day. This was now the fourth person I’d spoken with in 24 hours. I told her how unacceptable their reaction had been, and I wanted a month’s credit on my next bill. She said she would put a note in my file, and send it to the billing department. She then said I should call the billing department to double check in the next day or two. I said why can’t you call the billing department to make sure they were notified. She said she “WASN’T ALLOWED TO CALL ANOTHER DEPARTMENT”. Apparently, Comcast doesn’t like employees communicating with other employees face to face or by phone. They would rather the customer do it.

The next day, I spoke with the fifth person. She said there is a credit for $58.76 on my next bill, but there is nothing from the supervisor in my file. She said try again the next day. The next day I spoke with the sixth person in my long journey into customer hell. She told me about the $58.76 credit. I said it was suppose to be a whole month’s worth. She said only a supervisor can do that. I said I spoke with a supervisor. She didn’t have an answer. I thought maybe I should have gotten the supervisor’s name. But I’m sure this woman wouldn’t be able to call the supervisor who may have been in another department, or in one of those DO NOT DISTURB meetings. I was now emotionally exhausted. I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to be happy with my $58.76. But it’s not over, I have to speak to a seventh person to make an appointment for the next time I will be at the house to actually restore service. There is evil in the world. Just wait until your internet goes down again.