Martin Collins

Martin Collins didn’t expect to die. He was seventy-five. He was healthy and active. He still played golf once a week. He was on his knees weeding the flower bed in the back of his house with his wife of 50 years, Holly. The sun was shining. It was a warm spring day with the promise of summer in the air. He was thinking life was good. He and Holly had been content in their retirement. They still loved each other more then ever after 50 years which not many couples can claim. So the sudden sharp pain in the middle of his back came as surprise.

“I think I must have pulled something in my back,” he said as he straighten up and turned toward Holly.

Holly said, “Are you all right? Why don’t you take a break?”

Martin could feel the pain radiating across his back, down his left arm, and getting stronger. He knew this wasn’t a pulled muscle.

He turned off his knees, and sat down in the garden mulch.

He looked at Holly. She could see the strange look on his face.

He said, “Holly, something is wrong. I think we need to get help.”

Holly tried to stay calm.

“It’s okay, Martin.”

She could feel it wasn’t.

Holly said, “I’m calling an ambulance”, as she dialed 9-1-1.

Martin bent over and was starting to breathe rapidly. He looked up at Holly.

He could only whisper. Holly put her arm around him.

“I don’t want to go. Please stay with me.”

The last thing he heard was Holly saying, “I’ll never leave you.”

He had heard all those stories about seeing the white light. It was white, but it was a long tunnel that he seemed to be drifting through. It was very quiet. There was no more pain. Off in the distance, he thought he heard music. It slowly got louder. It was a song he recognized right away. It was “Stairway to Heaven” by Led Zeppelin. He thought this has got to be a bad practical joke. He’s not really dead. Someone must have given him something weird to drink, and he’s hallucinating. But then he started to hear the lyrics:

“There’s lady who’s sure

All that glitters is gold

And she’s buying a stairway to heaven”

Robert Plant explained the bizarre lyrics by saying it was about a rich woman who realized her life had no meaning, and she couldn’t buy her way into heaven. Martin wasn’t sure if this was being played just for him, or if everyone heard this as kind of a warning, and that everyone is treated equally up here, so leave your money at the door. Suddenly, the white tunnel opened up into a room that looked like a mens’ locker room at an exclusive country club, a lot of dark wood, brown leather chairs, even a fireplace. There was an older man sitting in one of the chairs in front of the fireplace. He was wearing a red flannel shirt, khakis, and work boots. He had a drooping mustache and glasses. Martin realized he looked just like the actor Wilford Brimley. He was in a bunch of movies with big stars, “Absence of Malice” with Paul Newman, “The Natural” with Robert Redford, and “The Firm” with Tom Cruise, and he did television commercials for mail order diabetes medication. There was a drink on a small table next to him.

It looked like bourbon on the rocks. Martin kept thinking someone has gone to ridiculous lengths to pull one over on him.

Brimley had a bored look on his face as he stared over his glasses at Martin.

“It looks like you’re surprised to be here. Most people are. I know the white tunnel is kind of a cliché, but people seem to like it. It’s almost as if they expect it.”

Martin was trying to process his situation.

“Where am I? Am I dreaming?”

Brimley said, “I get that a lot. Where do you think you are?”

Martin said, “Well, it’s not Kansas.”

Brimley smirked, thinking he had a bit of a wise guy on his hands.

“No, it’s not. The weather is much better here, and everyone is dying to get in. I know that’s a worn out line, but when you’ve do this as long as I have, you stick with what works.”

Martin said, “You’re just not what I expected. Everyone thinks you’re an old man, with  long white hair and bread, and flowing white robes surrounded by angles singing on high. Did anyone ever tell you look like Wilford Brimley? You know the actor who played the manager Pop in “The Natural” with Robert Redford.”

Brimley said, “People see who they want to see. I’ve been told I look like everyone from George Washington to Oprah.”

Martin couldn’t help himself, “So, if I had a better imagination, I’d be looking at Julia Roberts right now?”

Brimley looked over his glasses again, “For someone trying to get on my good side, you’re not doing a very good job.”

Martin thought he better not push his luck. It appeared he really was in heaven. He suddenly thought about Holly.

“Look, if this is real, I’m worried about my wife Holly. I just left her sitting in a flower bed, after 50 years with no warning. She’ll be devastated. I don’t want to leave her alone. No matter what you offer me up here, I’ll never be happy without her, and I don’t think she’ll be happy without me.”

Brimley said, “So, are you trying to negotiate a better deal?”

Martin was feeling a little more confident.

“I doesn’t seem fair. We love each other. We devoted our lives to each other. We tried to live good lives. She is a much better person than me. She put up with all my crap. She was always there for me, even when I screwed up. Then all of a sudden, when life is great, living out our golden years, boom she’s left alone holding on to me in a pile of mulch. I know life is full of surprises, and there are no guarantees, but this is a lousy reward for trying to live that good life. What’s the point? Those guys running your church, and that’s another whole story, drum into our heads how we’ll be rewarded in heaven if we follow the rules. Do unto others, and all that stuff, and we’ll be happy ever after in heaven floating on clouds with no pain, no cares as a reward for trying to be good. I don’t think most people are expecting to see Wilford Brimley, or their favorite person in history, sitting here drinking bourbon, deciding their eternal fate. And, how did I get Wilford Brimley for Christ sake? Oh, I guess I can’t say that up here. Well, he made a lot of promises when he was down there, which is also another whole discussion. But, what about Holly?”

Brimley took a sip of his drink.

“So, I can see you’re upset that things haven’t worked out as you hoped they would.”

“Well, hell yes. Oh, sorry that’s another thing I shouldn’t mention up here. But, we went through the ups and downs of life. I’m not complaining, we had a good life. Better than a lot of people. But, it was worth living because we had each other. Then to suddenly have it snatched away, with no warning, to lose the one thing in the world you treasure the most. Holly and I told each other we’d be lost and miserable if we were left without each other. I know she has the family, our sons, their wives, the granddaughters, but they have their own lives.They don’t want to be stuck worrying about if you’re going to fall down the stairs, or drive the car into the mailbox. Holly is going to be left worrying if she will become a burden. There is nothing worse than being a burden. Everyone will tell her she’s not a burden, but she will know they are just trying to make her feel better. That’s worse than if they came right out and told her she was a burden.”

Brimley gestured for Martin to sit in the brown leather chair facing him. He didn’t offer Martin a drink, which Martin felt he could use right about now.

“You had to know this was going to happen eventually. No one lives forever. Living a good life has its own rewards, your happiness and the happiness and caring you give to others.”

Martin sat forward in the leather chair.

“Our happiness was tied up in each other. Forcing us apart is a punishment, not a reward. We’re responsible for making all kinds of decisions in life for which we are held accountable. But the biggest decision we face in our lives is taken out of our hands. It’s all left up to you. And what do we get up here? Could Holly and I sit on a beautiful white beach, read books and listen to the ocean? Can I watch the finches and the woodpeckers flutter outside my window at the bird feeder? Can I even play golf up here? Maybe I’d rather be doing those things down there with Holly, instead of being stuck up here by myself. She would often accuse me of things “being all about you”, but I think in this case she would agree, at least I hope so. What do we do now? Do we go through my life checking the pros and cons to see if I get in and get my own cloud?”

Brimley had been listening intently.

“You make an interesting argument, and I’ve heard a lot of them over the centuries. The options really come down to two choices. Holly comes up here, or you go back down there.”

Martin couldn’t believe what he was hearing. It was like getting a “Get Out Of Jail Free” card.

“What do you mean? I thought I died. Do I get a do-over?”

Brimley smiled, “No one but the two of us know you’re up here. It’s your decision.”

Martin jumped out of the soft leather chair and said, “Wilford, it’s been real, but send me back to the future.”

Martin could feel himself being bounced around. He couldn’t move his arms. He realized he was strapped down. He could hear voices, but couldn’t make out what they were saying at

first. There was something over his face that was forcing air into his nose. Suddenly, he could see Holly walking, almost running along side him. He was looking up at her. He realized he was laying down and moving. He heard Holly.

“Please help him. You can’t let him die.”

He heard a disembodied male voice say, “We’re going to do everything we can. We’ll let you know as soon as possible how he’s doing.”

Martin was moving faster now. The fluorescent lights were shooting by over head. He was turned into a bright, white, tiled room and could sense a lot of people around him. He felt a pinch on his arm.

Martin’s eyes fluttered open. He throat was very dry, and he didn’t think he could speak. A young nurse bent over him. She told him to relax, and removed the tube from his throat. In a blur behind the nurse, he saw Holly. She bent down and kissed his dry lips.

“I told you I would never leave you,” she said with tears welling up.

Martin reached for her hand. “I thought I was leaving you. What happened?”

Holly said, “The doctor said you had blocked arteries. You needed bypass surgery. We got you here just in time.”

Martin didn’t know where to begin.

“I had the strangest, I guess, dream. I don’t know what to call it. There was a guy who looked like Wilford Brimley, leather chairs, a glass of bourbon. I think he was God, and I was arguing for our lives.”

Holly didn’t want Martin to get too excited.

“I think you should just try to rest now. I do want to hear all about it. The boys are trying to get here.”

Martin squeezed Holly’s hand.

“I love you, and I never want to be without you.”

Holly said, “I love you, too. And I’m not going anywhere.”

Of course, Martin couldn’t get his reversed death experience out of his mind. He knew it sounded crazy, but it felt so real. It must have been just a dream. He’d read stories about people who have near death experiences. But, how many people successfully argue for a second chance?

A couple of days after getting home from the hospital, Martin and Holly were having breakfast with the birds fluttering at the bird feeder outside the window.

Martin said, “I know I spurted out some strange stuff about what I experienced after the heart attack. I can’t get it out of my mind. I think something really happened. I just didn’t think it was my time to die.”

Holly took his hand.

“Tell me what happened.”

Martin told her everything. It was still all clear in his mind.

“I just felt it was so unfair. I understand people look forward to their heavenly reward, if there is such a thing. People who are old and sick and unhappy, and have nothing to live for. They want out, and their family doesn’t want them to suffer anymore. I understand that. I think we would feel the same way, but that wasn’t the case with us. We are happy and healthy, at least until this heart attack. I wasn’t ready to go off by myself and leave you alone. I wouldn’t want you to leave me alone. I know I can make you crazy sometimes, but you have to be used to that by now, and, besides, I didn’t want you to meeting some new hot senior citizen.”

Holly smiled.

“I’m not ready to let you go. I don’t know what happened. I was scared to death, I know, bad choice of words. I felt so helpless. It was all so sudden. I would never want

you to suffer, but having you pulled away from me in a matter of seconds was awful. I will always be grateful for this second chance. I’m glad you gave up heaven for me.”

Martin pulled her closer, and said, “It wouldn’t be heaven without you.”