Deception

Adam could not look at the flashing cursor anymore. It was relentless. Just pushing and pushing him to start writing. He felt as if it was saying, “Okay big shot, your first novel was such a success, let’s see you do it again.” He was renting his friend’s beach house for a week just to get away and concentrate on the new book. It was October. The summer crowds on the Jersey shore were gone, and the weather was still comfortable. The past year had been crazy. He finally had gotten a first novel published after a few re-writes. He had made his living writing free-lance for magazines or on-line publications. He worked as a bartender. He was stunned at the success of the book. He was being praised for a break-through first novel and as a star of a new generation of writers. The financial success allowed him to finally become a full-time writer and let someone else pour the drinks. What if people knew the truth?

He needed to clear his head. The sky was nature’s brightest blue with a gentle breeze coming off the ocean. The house was on the beach. He could walk down the stairs and across the dunes right onto the sand. It was mid-morning. He only passed two other people on his walk down the beach. He looked at the ocean and the vast horizon, as he turned back to the beach, he saw a woman at the water’s edge. She was wearing white pants, a dark blue sweatshirt, and a baseball cap. She was standing at an easel painting. He had always envied artists. Writers could create scenes and images with words on a page, but artists could make you see it and touch it.

As he drew closer, he could see her dark hair pulled back in a ponytail. She looked about his age, mid-30s. At first, he only saw the side of her face as she looked from the ocean back to the canvas. She didn’t seem to notice him as he got closer. Adam stopped about fifteen feet from the woman. The ocean and the sky appeared much darker on the canvas then in reality.

Adam said, “I’m jealous. You make it seem so easy.”

The woman turned toward Adam. It was the blue eyes that struck him first.

“Oh, it’s more difficult than it looks.”

She turned back to the canvas and made a couple of strokes. Adam knew the feeling of things being more difficult than you can imagine. He wasn’t sure if she was just concentrating or wanted him to keep moving. He was intrigued.

“I’m a writer. I’m renting a friend’s house up the beach. I’m Adam, Adam Wycoff.”

“Well, hello Adam Wycoff, I’m Justine Ambrose. You just wrote a book people are talking about.”

“Thanks, I’m working on a second book hoping I’m not just a one-hit wonder.”

Justine said, “Living up to yourself can be a lot of pressure. There are expectations now.”

Adam was feeling that pressure and knew why he couldn’t meet those higher expectations.

“Are you working fulltime on your art, or do you need a real job to eat and pay the rent like most of us?”

Justine looked up, “I work at an art gallery. The owner has been very supportive and is giving me an exhibit next month. She’s helped me through a tough time when I had some real doubts about my work.”

Adam detected a note of sadness in Justine’s voice and didn’t want to pry.

“I’d like to come and see your work.”

Justine smiled, “At least that would be one person who shows up.”

Adam said, “Don’t sell yourself short. Which gallery?”

“The Rollins in Philadelphia next month.”

Adam didn’t want to intrude any longer. But he felt there was more he wanted to know about this artist on the beach.

“I’ll see you there,” he said as he turned to continue walking the beach.

Adam was feeling more and more desperate. He usually wasn’t that forward with people. He just felt he was drowning. He thought he should be thrilled with the sudden success. Ninety-nine percent of writers, struggle for years and never achieve even a small measure of success. Was he really the voice of a new generation? He had to talk with someone who could understand what he did. Was this crazy? This was just some woman painting on the beach. He didn’t know anything about her.

Adam walked the beach every day that week but didn’t see her again. He went back to his apartment in Northern Liberties in Philadelphia. His publisher had set up several book signings and readings in Philadelphia and New York. He even did a guest lecture at a creative writing class. The book had consumed his life for the last year, he couldn’t remember his last date with a woman. He checked on Justine’s show on-line. But an art exhibit was not a date. He wasn’t even sure Justine would remember their meeting on the beach.

*****

The Rollins was a small gallery. The show was from 6 p.m. to 8 p.m. Adam got there around 6:30. He could see there were about twenty people milling around sipping wine and looking at Justine’s paintings. The work was vibrant landscapes and still life and several striking pieces featuring a young woman stood out. Adam recognized the painting from the beach which now had that young woman sitting on the sand staring out toward the ocean. Justine was standing by the picture speaking with two women when she spotted Adam. She smiled as he walked toward her. She excused herself from the two women.

“You made it.”

“I’ve been looking forward to it. It looks like a good turn out,” Adam said, glad that she remembered him.

“This is the piece you were working on that day on the beach. It almost has a dream quality to it. Who is the young woman? She wasn’t there when I stopped by. It’s really a great piece.”

Justine looked at the painting.

“That’s my sister.”

Just then a couple walked up and got Justine’s attention.

“We’ll talk later.”

Adam walked around taking in the art. There were several pieces featuring Justine’s sister. They all had a strong image of a young woman in different settings. He overheard conversations of people impressed by the work and interested in buying some. As it got close to eight o’clock, people started to say goodbye to Justine. The gallery owner told her the show was a hit, and several pieces had been sold. Adam waited by the door.

As Justine approached, he said, “Looks like you had a great night. Can I buy you a drink to celebrate? I know a place right around the corner.”

Justine was hesitant.

But she said, “Okay, thanks. I guess I have time for one drink.”

They walked around the corner. The night was clear and chilly. Adam didn’t know where this would lead but maybe he just needed someone new to talk to about life, art, ideas and what drove him to do what he did. They passed a bookstore. Adam’s book was in the window.

Justine said, “Look at that. That must make you feel good.”

Adam cringed, “I know I should be happy, and I am, but I wonder if I can have a second act.”

They turned into the bar. It was a warm neighborhood place with a lot of dark wood, small tables, and a few booths. There was a good crowd for a weekday night. They found a couple of seats at the end of the bar. Adam ordered a beer and Justine a glass of white wine.

Adam raised his glass.

“Congratulations on a successful show.”

Justine nodded and said, “Thank you and thanks for coming.”

“You mentioned the woman in the beach painting and several others was your sister. Was she there tonight?”

Justine took a sip and put her glass down.

“My sister Valerie was there in spirit. She died suddenly two years ago from a brain hemorrhage. It was completely out of the blue. She developed a headache and then she died. She was only a few years younger than me. She was smart, athletic, pretty, full of life. She was so positive. She worked for a non-profit that did a lot of work for children. She would tease me about being the brooding artist. I’ll never get over losing her. I couldn’t paint or do much of anything for months after she died.

Adam leaned forward.

“I’m sorry if I upset you.

“It’s okay. Of course, you didn’t know. I went into therapy to help cope with Valerie’s death. I didn’t want her death to just mean sorrow and pain. I wanted to channel it into my art and celebrate her life and potential. The painting on the beach reflected her. Valerie would have wanted me to go on with my life, be happy, create new art. Don’t let fear of failure stand in the way. You’ve had a wonderful success. Don’t let doubt drag you down. Build on it.”

Adam felt as if Justine knew his secret and was calling him out. He was not able to deal with doubt and fear of failure. Justine overcame a life changing event and used it to power her art.

“You’ve made me feel guilty and inspired me all at the same time.”

Justine smiled, “We all feel guilty and have doubts that’s what drives us as artists. I’m looking forward to your new book.”

Adam felt a chill.

Justine took one more sip of her wine and said, “I’m so glad you came, and we had a chance to talk. I have to get going.”

Adam said, “Can I get you a ride home?”

Justine said, “Oh that’s okay. I’ll get an Uber.”

As they were getting up, Adam asked for Justine’s number.

“I’d like to stay in touch and get together again.”

Justine knew she wasn’t ready for a relationship, but she liked Adam and gave him her number.

Adam called the next day. After a couple of dinner dates over the next few weeks, one ended with them back at Justine’s apartment. Some music and another glass of wine led to the bedroom. Justine was unsure, but she felt safe with Adam. He was gentle. There was no pressure. Justine knew they were moving quickly. Maybe she needed someone new in her life. But she knew there was risk in committing to a serious relationship.

“Adam, I want to be careful about all this. I obviously like you and I think you feel the same way. But we don’t know a lot about each other. We’re trying to build careers. I’m still dealing with my sister’s death. I don’t want to be hurt. I don’t want to build unrealistic expectations. I think we should move slowly.”

Adam was falling for her even more as they lay in bed. He was trying to push the secret out of his head knowing he would have to a deal with it at some point.

“I agree. I haven’t been in a relationship for a long time. I know you have a lot going on in your life. But I really like you and will go as slowly as you want.”

He bent down and kissed her. She kissed him back. The secret was still lingering.

*****

Justine and Adam grew closer over the next few months. There were more nights spent at each other’s apartments. Justine was producing new pieces and selling them. She talked about her work with Adam. But found he was reluctant to say much about his novel. He would say things like “it’s coming along” or “I’m reworking some things”. He didn’t tell Justine he was feeling pressure from his agent and his editor. When they started saying they needed to see some drafts, Adam panicked. He finally called Justine.

“Justine, I’m in hell. I can’t get out of my own way. I’m getting all kinds of crap from my agent and my editor. My stuff stinks.”

“Adam, everyone goes through things like this. Maybe you need to step away from the book for a little while. Talk to your editor. Try to get a different perspective. Don’t let yourself go down the rabbit hole. You need to get a grip.”

Adam wasn’t listening.

“I’m losing it. Can I come over tonight? I just need to talk things out.”

Justine agreed. She was distracted all day. She grew more concerned when Adam showed up at her apartment. He looked nervous and unkempt. He was unshaven and shifting from one foot to the other when she opened the door.

Justine said, “Adam, are you alright? What’s going on?”

She kissed him and they walked into the kitchen. Adam collapsed onto a stool.

“I’ve done the worse thing any writer could do. The book wasn’t mine. I stole it.”

Justine was horrified.

“What do you mean you stole it? Who did you steal it from?”

“From my college roommate. He was my best friend. We had both been working on books since college. We never told anyone because we were young and didn’t want to embarrass ourselves. We were reading each other’s drafts. My stuff was not good. His stuff was just on another level. Not just one level-many levels. A couple of years ago he was killed in a boating accident. I was devastated. I was going nowhere. I had a draft of his book. I knew it was much better than anything I could write. I started to look for an agent to pitch the book, saying it was mine. One agent saw the potential and got me a deal. I did some minor re-writes, but it was his book. Now the publisher is expecting another book which I know I can’t write.”

Justine thought this was the ultimate betrayal. A writer or artist claiming someone’s work for their own.

“Adam, My God. Have you told anyone else?

“No. But the walls are closing in on me.”

Justine was feeling angry and humiliated that she didn’t see this side of Adam. She let her guard down. She thought Adam was sincere.

“You lied to me and everyone else. You betrayed your friend and all the writers who have produced honest work.”

Adam didn’t try to defend himself.

“I know. I don’t expect forgiveness. I can’t go on with the lie. I just need help to make it right. I don’t blame you if you got up and walked away. I realize I made the worst mistake possible. This all happened before we met. That changed everything. I’m sorry I lied to you. I don’t want to lose you.”

Justine’s anger was rising.

“Our relationship was a lie. You led me on. You knew I was vulnerable and struggling after the death of my sister. Did you think I was never going to find out? That this awful charade wasn’t going to fall apart? Most writers and artists spend their whole careers struggling for acceptance and approval and fail. But they keep trying because they believe in themselves. No matter how discouraged they feel, they don’t stoop to stealing someone else’s work.”

Justine just wanted him to leave. She wanted to be alone to process the last few minutes.

“You need to get a lawyer. This could ruin your life.”

“Do you know anyone, a lawyer, who could help me?”

Justine was disgusted. She didn’t understand how Adam could’ve thought he would get away with this. She didn’t want to drag other people into this mess. But Adam had nowhere else to turn.

“I’ll talk to my gallery owner. She’s well connected and may know a lawyer who deals with artists and writers. I’ll call you tomorrow if she can help. But you need to go now.”

Adam got up to leave.

“I’m sorry.”

Justine looked him in the eye.

“So am I,” she said and turned away.

*****

Justine spoke with her gallery owner the next morning and did get the name of a lawyer who might be able to help Adam. She was too upset to speak with him, so she texted him the name.

The story broke over the next few days. It shook the literary world. Adam was brutally criticized. The book was pulled off the market. Adam was facing lawsuits from the publisher and the family of his college roommate. He became a notorious celebrity. He was the must get interview. He was only seeing his lawyer. Reporters found out he was dating Justine and started coming to the gallery waiting for her to arrive in the morning or leave at night. She was starting to feel as if she was being viewed as an accomplice rather than a victim of Adam’s lie. She finally called Adam.

Adam said, “I never thought I would hear from you again. What I did was unforgiveable. I can never make this up to everyone I’ve hurt.”

Justine didn’t want to hear the self-pity.

“Adam, you knew what you were doing. You brought this on yourself, and you couldn’t live with the guilt and the fear of discovery. Maybe you need to come clean and admit what you did and why you did it. You couldn’t admit you weren’t good enough to get published so you gave up and tried to take the easy way out. Well, it turned out not to be so easy. Everyone makes mistakes. It takes real courage to admit what you did and why and understand the impact it has on other people.”

Adam snapped back.

“I know what I did was wrong. I’m paying the price. My life is ruined. What more do you want me to do?”

Justine stood her ground.

“You should come out with a public explanation and apology. Those are the people you tried to deceive. Maybe that’s the book you should write.”

“Who is going to publish anything I write?” Adam answered.

“You’re making excuses, Adam. You’ve become well known in the last few days. Everyone wants to know what happened and why you did it. Redemption stories usually sell. With the right agent and a good proposal, I think you’ll find a publisher to take a chance. Try to do something you can feel good about. Telling the truth is a good place to start. It’s up to you.”

*****

It took Adam weeks to pull himself together. He finally convinced his agent of the idea. There were more publishers willing to take a chance than they expected. Adam and Justine exchanged a few texts over the next year. Justine didn’t want to become involved in the writing process and she didn’t want Adam to use their relationship as a crutch. She felt this was something he had to do on his own. Almost two years after the night Adam confessed to Justine, “Deception” was published. Adam dedicated the book to Justine. The reviews were good. Adam was even approached by some producers with proposals for a movie. Adam called and asked if they could meet at the bar around the corner from the gallery where they went that first night.

Adam waved Justine to a corner table. He stood up and kissed her on the cheek.

“Thanks for coming. I wanted to thank you in person for pushing me and saving my life. I’ve learned a lot about myself over the last two years. I was hoping we could try to start over.”

Justine had been bracing herself for this moment afraid Adam didn’t realize the damage he had done to her.

“Adam, I’m happy for you and proud of you. But I’ve learned a lot about myself over the last two years, and I’ve met someone. He’s an artist and we’re very good together. Trust is a fragile thing, and I don’t think I could ever get that back between us. I’ve found that now. I hope you understand.”

Adam sat back in his chair.

“You were there for me when I was in deep trouble. You could have walked away. I’ll always be grateful. You deserve to be happy.”

“I am,” said Justine. “You need to find your own happiness. I think it’s best I go.”

Justine got up to leave. Adam reached out and touched her hand.

“I’ll never forget you.”

Justine looked down at him.

“Goodbye Adam.”

She walked out the door into the night.

“Deception” was made into a successful movie. Justine wrote Adam a congratulatory note. She quoted an old art professor, “Art should help us understand the human condition and not be blinded by it.”