A friend of mine died suddenly a few days ago. I had played golf with him just two weeks earlier and he seemed fine. A couple days after we played, he went into the hospital and needed some serious surgery. A couple of days after the surgery, he died from complications. The unexpected suddenness of his death shocked his friends. He was in his early 70s. Life expectancy studies of men show we can expect to make it to between 75-78. Once we break the 70 mark, the countdown clock starts. Sudden deaths run in my family. My father died at 74 from what was likely a thoracic aortic aneurysm. He went to bed feeling fine. Less than two hours later he was dead. His father died at 50. His two brothers and a sister died in their 60s. I believe from the same condition. I know genetics and lifestyle have a much to do with how long we live. It’s when it blindsides us, that makes us stop and think about our own life.
I will enter the 70s decade next year. I’m in good health. I got checked, and I don’t have an aortic aneurysm. I don’t feel old. But when someone you know dies without warning, it makes you pause and think about the fragility of life and how you lived your’s. I think of the pain and sorrow my wife will endure. When death comes suddenly, you and your family and friends don’t have time to prepare. If you are old and suffering from a long illness, there is time to accept the end. The light slowly dims into darkness. When it comes without warning, it’s like a power blackout, but the lights never come back on. When you experience a loss like this, you wonder how long do I have? What kind of a life have I led? How will I be remembered?
I remember when our first granddaughter was born. I was 59. I thought I want to be around to dance at her wedding. Depending on if and when that happens, I’m likely to be in my mid or late 80s. My first thought, will I be able to even get out a chair, never mind dance. We have three more granddaughters now. I want to live long enough for them to have the memory of a grandfather that I never had. It’s unfair to my wife Maureen to leave so suddenly without telling her I love her one last time. That’s why I tell her everyday.
Death is a difficult thing to talk about. We’re living in a time when deaths we couldn’t imagine just months ago and are shocking us everyday. We can’t worry about death. It is on its own timetable. As we get older and reflect on our lives, we can only hope the good outweighed the bad. We all have regrets. We can only be better in the future, the past is gone. When we reach this certain age, when the end looks closer, we should just live everyday and hope we get a chance for that one last dance.
Beautifully written Mike. Reminds me s a kid of the pick-up baseball game we used to play called moving up. Sort of a metaphor for life – when someone made an out the next in line stepped in to bat. Still trying to process the loss of a very good friend and wishing for one more time to complain about his banter on the links and make amends. It has been a very sad week with a flood of memories. Thanks.
Really good one here, Mike. John’s sudden passing has brought a lot of life (and death) realities into focus that we all need to face.